bored on Gor? how to be a happy Kajira

You all know them and they are legion: Kajirae complaining about being bored.

The reason is that a multitude of people on Gor use the safe environment to test and to enter a submissive role without properly reflecting on the role itself. Education about the role, creativity, and making it a LIFESTYLE are the only lasting ways to shape a stable Dominant/ submissive relationship.

The spiral

It all starts with the descent into submission…what I call the spiral: Spiralling into less and less freedom is a thrilling event for submissives, so the descent into submission starts eventful enough.

However, after some amount of freedom is removed from the sub, a halt in the spiral causes the heated atmosphere to cool down and the submissive reconsiders…depending on the inclination but also on the personal creativity, the submissive suffers because of the limitations of the new situation. That is not bad, it can promote creativity.

Some submissives seek to spiral further into more abusive or restrictive situations to enjoy the spiral again. However every spiral has its end: One day there will be no more abusiveness or no more restriction possible.

The drawback of spiralling far is the loss in creative possibilities to maintain a role that still remains interesting for the Domme, eg someone who is entirely muted, deaf, blind and immobile has lost most ways to raise any interest in continuing that relationship.

That is the end of the spiral.

Dom and sub will be BORED

What ways do exist in continuing a Dominant/ submissive relationship?

1. Seeking the next spiral.

Subs may leave the spiral then and enter another, or they will leave entirely, disappointed with the situation. Entering another spiral is however not rewarding in the long run, it’s a repetition of things that have been. I went to Pandora and had a peek, surprised I know names there: It’s a spiralling of Goreans that sometimes takes its continuation there.

2. Variations

Bondage situations DO demand a degree of patience of the submissive, even if that is not hard while spiralling. Depending on the nature of the submissive and the creativity of the Domme AND the sub there is a multitude of variations in enjoying each other which can be rewarding for both partners for quite a long time.

3. Aiming for rl

Our very LIVES are roles! use your sl and work on it. If it does not work in sl, it won t in rl, that much is for sure. If your hero is boring in sl, asking for rl all the time I can assure you he will be boring in rl too, asking for another thrill: Dump him.

However I am sorry to say: What works on sl not always works in rl. Be realistic in your expectations: You fell in love with the superhero? Once you move to rl your gorean superhero may be the bald chubby postman living next door: if you took him for his looks you lost. If you took him for his character and for his way to love you, you won t mind and will be the happiest girl in the world!

3. Entering a long lasting relationship

However even varying the theme will not carry a relationship on forever:

There is more needed to make the Dominant/ Submissive relationship to last. Daily life will not be a neverending chain of thrills, Dom and sub get used to their lifestyle, they accept their role and love each other. With the exception of occasional bedroom/ dungeon adventures and larger differences in the roles these partners take there is no real difference to any vanilla relationship from an observers’ point of view.

However, it’s the differences in the roles the partners take in daily life that makes a long lasting Dominant/ submissive relationship rewarding for both: Our modern lives impose more restrictions on us than we are aware of. It is expected of every adult citizen that they take their lives into their hands and that they take responsibility. The desire to be protected, cared for…the desire to be cherished and to be loved, the desire to be admired, pampered, the desire to feel SAFE are easily forgotten.

Both Dom and sub experience their relationship as ‘safer’ than a vanilla relationship, as the visual bonds create the emotion of keeping safe and of being safe, the sub feels cared for in bondage, the dom feels cared for in admiration and in focusing the love of the sub.

There is more to a Dominant/ submissive relationship than only that, but these points can’t be emphasized enough:

Being submissive does NOT mean to be passive! Being Dominant does NOT mean that the bound submissive can be neglected.

Since most partners are not really conscious about the mechanics of their relationship too many of them end prematurely and with disappointment, which is a pity.

It is the very first duty of the sub to be THERE for the Dom, to be seducing, entertaining, loving, caring, admiring, and working hard to make life for the Dom as pleasant as possible.

And it is the very first duty of the Dom to recognize the driving and lasting elements of the relationship: A passive sub is a boring sub! Make her MOVE, make her ACTIVE, make her to come up with ideas and push her into being creative, let her take part in your life and let her be supportive. A well trained sub will not only lift your status: Imagine a polititian without a supportive wife! (that does not mean that polititians wives were subs, but she is quite often good in her role, and she DOES help her husband to be successful: Admiration is contagious!!).

She will also be there for you in good and in bad times, she will be around to organize the party for your victories, she will be around to care for your wounds and grievances when you lose. She will help you to make friends and allies, she will organize your daily life and keep your household, she will take care of a multitude of tasks just to make things easier for you, she will not bother you when you need to focus on your next step and she will be there for you and in your arms when you enjoy what you achieved.

submissiveness is focusing on what used to be defined as the FEMALE role. Its what we miss in our modern society where we are only accepted as equals in male roles: We miss being accepted as equals in our femaleness.

Generally there is no large difference of a Dominant/ submissive relationship to any other: It’s just the symbolisms and it’s the part behind the closed bedroom doors that is different.

All these bedroom games, pain, humiliation, bondage, restriction of various forms are expressions of sexuality. They may be fun and be vital part of a relationship. But they are not THE relationship. Never forget that. It was my Partner who taught me that.

Now why enter a Dominant/ submissive relationship at all if there is so much emphasis on the similarities to vanilla?

Because it’s much more rewarding: The wealth of strong emotions, the number of variations are without comparison. The well defined roles of the partners can make the relationship stable and happy. But don t set your expectations too high: Our sexuality is not our life, its just part of it.

Just remember to avoid the trap: A dominant/ submissive relationship is NOT an Active /passive relationship! CREATE your roles, make it FIT to who you really are, be honest with yourself and your partner, talk!

And again, we are vanilla: Who mows the lawn? NOT! ME! who washes the dishes?...sighs…ok,ok…I will…eeeps…

If you remember THAT always, I am positive that you will find love and joys beyond imagination in a bdsm related partnership!