captured…
I ran into war lightly…it looked well…sounded like there were not much opposition..chances looked good…but my tribe was there, well all right there are not many against us, but its never wrong to have another bow! many trickled in and we ran into war! they got reinforcements…we too, but I was captured: SHIT!!! a kitten fight got my dots out, but I was in: HISSS! but a panther came through and cut me off a cross: YAY! I captured a man and I took off by a boat from that icy place: no, said the admin, wrong boat wrong docks, take the other! this sounded bad…and on coming back it was…:(…you ll all be killed, it was said…heyyy…for THAT I came?? great stuff! :(…they showed mercy…let everyone go and I stayed as part of the trade. My gor is not the gor of the slaughterhouses, a fast kill in battle, yes that may happen…but killing captives?...they prevented a bloodbath, let everyone go.
so many I love were hurt…a horror for me and for everyone…how can I hurt them so?...how can they slam around so much pain to my ‘hosts’ and bitch and shout…not for me, I hoped…they did…I m so sorry, so very sorry…I hurt you so.
I hurt my friends who meant well, I m so sorry…can you not see that my honour and that of my tribe is at stake? can you not see that I myself agreed to what is done? what is so bad in a Taluna being captured, I m one of you: Not always will I be able to get YOU out as well!
My Cathli, she s different, so much like me she is, but also so much better: Unlike me she accepts my decision, SHE of all whom I hurt so by ending HER time that she agreed to and negotiated before it ended…she always shames me by being so much better than myself! I love her so.
I did not mean it, did not mean to hurt everyone who cares.
this is the end…my friend…
sitting in a longhouse in Torvaldsland…they re sweet to me…they care, these Torvaldslanders, kind folks they are…I stay…it is what I wanted, see how it is…learn…always did I want to know about Torvaldsland, icy hell, yet kind people...its a man’s world, competition prevails…but also less bitching as far as I can see…less hugs and less tenderness…maybe its like that in every mixed group.
I try to bring MY ways into the north, my time is too short, I won t succeed, but trying I do. Getting used to derogatory terms again…I don t know why that is needed…I HATE them so, never use these terms myself…
still I m new…lonely…missing my tribe, my jungles, my world…but most of all: My tender beloved Cathli…my joy and my pride, my heaven and my glittering stars at night…I m so sorry, my tender beloved…so forelorn, alone, missing you so…
seeing nahila, sweet tender her…talena…neema…waiting…oh my…I miss you all so much…I did not imagine it would be so…went to war day for day…never thought it could have consequences…
yes the drama fades away…maybe I too fade away…the tribe that had an En, a Larah…will I ever be able to come back and be happy?...I don t know…
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